


The Schedule

by academy_x



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Dirty Talk, F/M, Not Actually Smut, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 21:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7453831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/academy_x/pseuds/academy_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Moist takes steps to spice up his sex life</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Schedule

Adora and Moist had a schedule. It was Moist's idea. He had originally wanted to call it the sexdule, but Adora had refused. It was a handwritten page, worn from being folded and unfolded again and again. Written on it were the word _meetings_ and a number of times and dates. In the corner, as an afterthought, it said _as circumstances permit it_. It did not say that _'meetings'_ meant having quiet sex for fifteen minutes.

It was four o'clock on a Tuesday. Adora had a _'meeting'_. She made her way to her husband's bedroom. They usually fucked there, preferring his huge bed, big enough for three. It was extravagant like Moist and had golden bedposts. She entered without knocking. Adora believed, that if you had to knock it wasn't your home, which was why she had once caught Moist masturbating while doing paperwork. After that Moist had become good at listening for the clack of her heels.

She found Moist already there. He had draped himself theatrically against the desk, head buried in his arms. When he noticed her, he leaped up, waving a bunch of papers in her face and crying out. It was a collection of drawings, all of a dubiously erotic nature. Upon closer inspection she realized that the naked man depicted was supposed to be Moist. She leafed through the booklet, catching sentences like _trust his golden cock_ and some metaphors about letterboxes and mail-delivery, that would have made most postal workers faint. Adora did the only logical thing. She laughed.

“Look at this, Spike, look! This is an outrage, completely out of character, I have never done that. I certainly can't bend like this, I'd hurt myself. And they got my nose wrong!” Moist said, pausing for breath. “Also this depiction of me seems to be getting it on way more than the real me, and in so many interesting ways. Maybe the actual me is missing out.”

“First of all, I can't believe there is badly drawn erotica of you, that's hilarious. Second of all, are you seriously jealous of a fictional version of yourself? That is ridiculous, Moist. Even for you.” Adora said.

“Well, couldn't you try saying something … I don't know, sexy while we're doing it? I'm feeling adventurous.” Moist asked.

She wanted to say no. She really did. But Moist looked at her with big, brown eyes, and the convincing smile he reserved only for her. She sighed and muttered _fine_ , already starting to undress. She shrugged off her grey dress without flair. Adora had never seen the idea about sensually undressing. In her world, the sexy part came when nobody was wearing anything. Moist followed her lead, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. She waited patiently, fondling her tits as a warmup exercise. Her nipples were perkier than ever when Moist finally finished undressing. She smiled, admiring his naked body.

They tumbled together in the sheets. Adora was still wearing her socks. Moist stared down at them, up at her, and then down at them again. Adora shook her head. She would do much to please her husband. Taking off her socks was not one of those things. She got cold feet. Moist sighed and kissed a path down her chest. He lingered on that soft spot just under her left breast. Adora stroked his hair, tangling her fingers. She ran a finger down his warm back, tracing his spine. Moist arched into her touch. She spread her legs and pulled him closer.

Just as things were getting good, Moist stopped and looked at her pointedly. It took her a while to realize that he wanted her to talk _dirty._ She chewed her lip nervously, wishing for a smoke. She couldn't do this. Best case scenario he'd laugh. Worst case he'd be scarred for life and they'd never have sex again. But Moist's desire seemed so genuine. _H_ _ere goes nothing_ , Adora thought.

“Oh yes, baby, touch me. I need your hard dick in me, you make me so wet.” Adora said in monotone.

Moist stopped moving. He blinked twice. Then he raised his right eyebrow.

“Would you say I make you … _moist_?” Moist asked.

Adora groaned for a full minute. Then she shoved her husband off the bed. After that they stuck to what they knew.

**Author's Note:**

> im posting something nsfw :V don't know why but i find the idea of moist and adora having the world's plainest sex life funny anyways hope you enjoyed reading (i gotta hurry and post this before i get too embarrassed)


End file.
